Counting the days..
It keeps sticking at me... and even when I'm enjoying my holy break in the toilet.. yes, I think of digestion mechanisms..
Hallelujah?!?

25th April 2009.. You have been through one hell of a day...
Today I feel sorry, I feel incapable, I feel immature just like you said.. Does the fact I know what has been missing to you excuses my absence today? Indeed why am I even asking...

Today someone incurred my hatred, my heart feels pain. I want to avenge you from those who hurt you. It sounds like a frustration of being helpless. My punch is tight, my teeth stringent..I am weak. Being young I was a revanchist, I became reasoner, now I am lost.

You repressed your feeling to any others. But how much can you stand?
When I asked you to give voice to your feelings, you shared to me.
Trust me, I feel lucky to be your listener, yours.

I saw your tears today, it was not a physical pain cry, it was emotional, you felt lonely. I know you wanted to blame me, you did not do it..

I saw you from tears to laugh, it did not make our day, but to me was one great achievement, I hope I have been a person who made you feel better..

I believe to others you are a rock.
To me you are the little angel, that one I unfortunately cannot touch. So how can I be your umbrella? I'll keep die trying to protect you though I cannot be there, impossible? I know... but I love you..

Today I feel sorry, I feel incapable, I feel immature, I am lost...

I wonder, I apprehend, I sigh... Whatever I try to do, I just can't get through to you. It's not fair. Neither for you or me. I used to ask why, but since the first time I really felt it, I learned that 'why' is a waste of time cause I have to act, but look at my naked hands: I am not able to do so. Instead I became weak. But I don't know if anyone notice I'm still keeping climbing in hoping things would change. Everyday I hope helps would come one day sooner... but from nowhere, distressed I am. I don't know any more solution.. if there were only one. I might get moral support, I don't get any help, I'm blocked, I feel it grows inside me, irritated I am. I know I don't do enough, in fact though I never give up I'm tired. The hurricane comes back almost everyday. I just fight with my own arms, not enough. I'm scared to hurt you, I'm scared to make you cry, I just know you're not just a dream.

- "You're a man!"
- But so what...?

I wondered how easy it would be if we can choose Me as the one who takes it all, but now I notice I'm not even able to take my own part.. I became weaker. However I'm not weak yet! Wind and snow, clouds and rain, when are you coming my clear-sighted light?

The second year students of medschool in Lausanne have their own ski camp every year during the second semester. This year's edition was held at Veysonnaz, in Valais. More than 70 of us joined the events for this weekend. In the menu: Sun, snow, music and... alcohol! A mix that brings joy!

From Medschool Veysonnaz ski camp - March 2009